在英文写作中的常见错误表述专栏当中，我会从学生写的英语作文当中选取一些段落进行分析、讲解和改正，并以下文的形式呈现出来。文章的题目为Today, people do not always work for the same job. Why does it happen and how do people prepare for job insecurity？下面选取的这一段是对第一个问题Why does it happen？的回答：
作文
①Several factors including advanced technology and distrust between bosses and employees contribute to the frequent change of jobs. ②Nowadays, the technology develops in a flash, as a result, there were many jobs replaced by the machines. ③For instance, most people who make their livings as typists were replaced by scanners, thus they have to change their work. ④Besides, people in this age have more access to education. ⑤In this case, the competition for job is stressed. ⑥If one performs bad in his occupation , he will be replaced at once.这一段的段落结构并没有什么大问题。第①句为段落中心句，概况整段。②③和④⑤⑥分别为两个论点。第③句还进行了举例论证。逻辑结构上可以说是非常正确了。但是仔细分析每句话的话就会发现很多问题。接下来我们来一句一句的看：①Several factors including advanced technology and distrust between bosses and employees contribute to the frequent change of jobs.
1 段落第①句就犯了一个较为严重的问题：第①句话将段落当中两个论点(advanced technology和distrust between...两个factor)的概括放在了including后面作为例子。这里实际上是画蛇添足，因为several factors已经可以概括整段。中心句中要尽量避免例子。
2 再来看内容。这句话的谓语直接就是contribute，显得很绝对。可以加上一个情态动词may或seem to，表明一种不确定的语气，使得行文更加严谨。同时，advanced technology表达不准确。作者要表示的很明显是“科技的快速发展”，是动作的概念，而advanced technology的重心是technology，非动作。因此应改为technological advances/development。
Several factors may/seem to contribute to people's frequent job changes.
②Nowadays, the technology develops in a flash, as a result, there were many jobs replaced by the machines.
1 technology在这里泛指任何科技，而不是特指某一科技，因此前面不能加the。
2 in a flash表示very quickly，但是放在这里就存在搭配不当的问题。一般用rapidly来修饰develop。在平时写作的时候，不要随意套用所谓的高级表达，一定要注意单词的搭配，否则写出来的东西就是中式英语了。
3 句子时态错误。工作被机器替代是一个最近到现在一直存在的趋势，因此不能用过去式，可以改为现在完成进行式。
4 这句话在句子结构上犯了一个很常见的错误：将表示关系的副词当成是连词来用。as a result相当于一个副词结构，不能用来连接两个句子。因此前面需要改成分号“；”或句号“.”。但是分成两句话很明显不够简洁，可以直接合成一句话：
Rapid technological advances have rendered many jobs obsolete.
③For instance, most people who make their livings as typists were replaced by scanners, thus they have to change their work.
1 most people who make their livings as typists中的make their living as显得很累赘，直接写most typists就可以了。typists很明显是对上一句jobs的举例，因此我们可以将for instance放在typists后面，即Most typists, for instance,...
2 这句话又犯了一个同样的问题：将表示关系的副词当成是连词来用。thus是个副词，不能用来连接两个单独的句子，they have to change their work在这句话中表示一个结果，因此我们用一个现在分词做结果状语，即“导致他们...(prompt/cause sb to do)”，同时增加句子结构的复杂性。3 work可以换成occupation，表示职业。因为这里更强调的应该是转行。Most typists, for instance, are being/have been replaced by machines, prompting them to seek another occupation. ④Besides, people in this age have more access to education. ⑤In this case, the competition for job is stressed. 1 这两句话其实是存在一个因果关系的。作者要表达的意思应该是“人们接受教育程度高了，因此找工作竞争大了”。这两句话都是简单句，而且这一段没有用任何从句，因此我们可以在这地方用一个非限制性定语从句+mean表示结果，即", which means (that)..."2 stressed在这里也存在搭配不当的问题，stressed表示(人)压力大的。(竞争)激烈的我们用fierce/stiff：Besides, people in this age have more access to education, which means (that )the competition in the job market is fierce.⑥If one performs bad in his occupation , he will be replaced at once.
1 在非常正式的书面语当中，当用one指一个人时，后面一般不用he或they来代指one，而是重复用one。即If one performs bad in one's occupation , one will be replaced at once.但是这样的话，就会出现很多one。为了避免这一问题，我们可以将主语one改为employee，因为这篇文章的主题就是跟员工有关的。接下来再代指employee时， 我们可以用they，指代性别不明的单数人称。
2 bad是一个形容词，不能放在perform后面。应该改为perform badly/poorly表现很差。这句话中强调的是具体的工作，用occupation显然不合适，应改为job或者work。3 这句话同样存在之前提到过的一个问题，即说法过于绝对(will be replaced at once)。我们可以将will改为is likely to。replace在前面出现过了，这里可以换成lay off(解雇)4 这句话与上一句应该是存在因果关系的，为加强前后之间的连接性，我们可以加上一个therefore。
Therefore, if an employee performs poorly/badly in his job, they are likely to be laid off.
修改后的版本
Several factors may/seem to contribute to people's frequent job changes. Rapid technological advances have rendered many jobs obsolete. Most typists, for instance, are being/have been replaced by machines, prompting them to seek another occupation. Besides, people in this age have more access to education, which means that the competition in the job market is fierce. Therefore, if an employee performs poorly in his job, they are likely to be laid off.
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